Believing in the Cigarette

I used to believe that quitting smoking was the hardest thing that I have ever tried to do. I used to believe that I was a hopeless addict that would die a smoker. I have tried to quit smoking so many times that I have lost count and every single failed attempt only added validity to what I already knew.... that quitting smoking was impossible. It wasn't until I learned about nicotine addiction, that I realized something. It wasn't necassarily quitting smoking that was so hard to do. It was quitting believing in cigarettes that was hard to do. See, I used to believe in the cigarette. I used to believe that cigarettes kept me calm. The truth though, is that nicotine is a stimulant. Everytime I smoked a cigarette, it raised my hearbeat by about 20 beats more a minute. Smoking constricted my arteries and not only that, but the carbon monoxide from the cigarette was basically poisoning my blood's ability to carry oxygen. Creating an even greater strain on my heart. How could I be calm, when I was putting this kind of strain on my body over 40 times a day, everyday? I used to believe that cigarettes relieved my stress. Little did I know that smoking created a lot of stress. The whole business of smoking is relieving an anxiety that the previous cigarette created. After each cigarette that I smoked and the nicotine metabolized. Nicotine being able to fit my adrenaline locks, pumped adrenaline though my bloodstream leaving me with a slight fight or flight feeling. I was left with a heightened anxiety, an antsy feeling that I didn't like. My mind and body were being fooled into thinking that something was wrong, like I was in danger when in reality there was nothing wrong. My subconscious figured something out though. Smoking a cigarette would relieve that anxiety. Not knowing that it was being tricked and also looking out for my best interest. It would say " Smoke a cigarette and you'll feel better." So I would smoke a cigarette, relieve that anxiety and start the whole viscious cycle over again. The only stress I was relieving, was the stress that the previous cigarette created. Not only that, but whenever I was under stress. It caused a physiological reaction that caused nicotine to get pulled from my bloodstream. So now was I not only under stress, I had a compounded problem of being in drug withdrawal. So I would smoke a cigarette, "feel better" and think "Oh, smoking helped me relieve some of my stress." The reality is though, it did nothing but relieve drug withdrawal. A compounded anxiety, that should have never been there in the first place. Nothing changed after smoking that cigarette. What ever caused my initial stress was still there. The only difference was that I had temporarily pacified the monkey on my back. I used to believe that smoking made me happy. Sadly, smoking causes a form of depression. Sure, I can say that smoking releases dopamine, BUT that is only part of the story. Being the amazing machine that it is. My brain needed to regulate how much dopamine was being released. It couldn't regulate nicotine as it was a foreign substance(poison). So it had no other choice, but to turn down it's own sensitivity to releasing dopamine. My own natural neurotransmitters were being hijacked, forcing me to rely a lot more on the cigarette just to "feel good" or more accurately, feel nicotine normal. The truth was, I was happy DESPITE SMOKING and not because of it. I used to believe that smoking was social. This makes me laugh now, because how can smoking be social? Was it social when I had to put my life on hold to put a stop to drug withdrawal? Was it social when I had to wash my hands, because I was embarassed about stinking like a cigarette? The only time that smoking was even remotely social was when I smoked around other smokers and that was because misery loves company. I used to believe that cigarettes were the perfect companion to alcohol. Besides stress, this one was a doozy for me. Oh how I used to think, " If I only smoked when I drank. I would be a happy smoker." Even though this illusion was much craftier than a lot of the other ones. It was still an illusion. The truth is that much like stress, alcohol created a physiological reaction that pulled nicotine out of my bloodstream at an accelerated rate. Unlike like stress though, whatever anxiety I was feeling from drug withdrawal was being masked by the intoxication from the alcohol. So even though I was relieving an accelerated drug withdrawal, I wasn't aware of it, because I wasn't feeling the anxiety that stress causes. I still love my beer and it sure tastes a lot better now that I don't have to chase it with a cigarette. Whenever I quit smoking and saw people smoking. I used to believe that they got to smoke and I didn't. The truth is, Smokers HAVE to smoke to "feel normal". They HAVE to smoke to keep the anxieties of not smoking at bay. They HAVE to smoke keep the compounded problem of drug withdrawal from happening 20,smoking cessation, 30,40 time plus a day. They do not GET to smoke. Thankfully I no longer HAVE to do that. I no longer believe in the cigarettte. I used to. I used to belive that cigarettes did something for me. I know better now. They only DO TO ME. Probably a quitter's biggest obstacle is fear and a lot of times that fear has a double edge sword. The fear of failure and the fear of success. We don't want to fail, because we want to finally rid ourselves of this addiction, BUT at the same time,stop smoking now, if we succeed, that means that we will never "get" to smoke again. Don't be afraid to quit smoking. Don't fear relapse. You can never relapse if you don't smoke and smoking again is aways YOUR choice, not some "Nicodemon's". Don't be afraid to succeed either. Being successful doesn't mean that you'll never GET to smoke anymore. It means that you'll never HAVE to smoke again. I read a quote in a book a while back that really stuck with me. It said " Fear is only misguided faith." Quit putting faith in cigarettes and you might be surprised how much easier quitting smoking can be. Quitting smoking is a temporary adjustment, but it just that....TEMPORARY. FREEDOM IS FOREVER!!! Be patient with yourself. This really is the greatest gift that you are giving yourself. Sometimes it just takes a little time to unwrap it. Eric I Freed myself 7/7/04

Cravings (2)

I have now passed 2 weeks not smoking and this is the longest I have ever made it. However, what I have noticed is the longer I go without smoking the more nicotine tries to attack me. What I mean is in the first week, I did not have that many cravings and in the 2nd week, I seem to have more cravings than ever. For example, the first week, when I woke in the morning,Herbal cigarettes, I didn't want a smoke and now in the morning, for a brief moment,smoking cessation, I want a smoke. Do you think maybe, I let guard down or the less nicotine in my body, the stronger my body crave it? I have resumed chewing on straws again. Have anyone had this happen to them?

Big Test Today

Day 5...all is well!!!! Washing all my clothes,quit smoking, now that the house is completly sanatised...Even clean clothes is closet have a musty smoke smell...so I'm washing everything!!!I've lived my life pretty normal all week...even going to places that all my friends smoke...everyone is supportive and even a bit jealous.My biggest trigger still is getting in my now sanatised car....all of my drives this week have been less than 10 minutes.Today I am driving to the other side of the mountain (I live in Palm Springs) a hour drive....I use to have at least 5 cigarettes during this drive...Today I will be smoke free...I know I can do it!!!!!I haven't had any sleeping problems....I am taking off my patch before I go to bed and not putting on a new one till after my shower in the morning,stop smoking, even having my first cup of coffee without the patch.So far I believe my success is that I want to quit more than I want to smoke.!!!Sandy

Daily Motivator and a request

as you go thru your day today,stop smoking, please say a prayer for my Bob. He has been unwell and hopefully today they will find out why and what can be done. Just a small prayer that all will be positive and easy for him. Thank you and many BlessingsDaily MotivatorNovember 16, 2007Your masterpieceToday is your next masterpiece, waiting to be created. It is the culmination of all you have ever been, of your knowledge, your experience, your skills and your resources. It all comes together today, right now. It is yours to use in the creation of a truly unique and valuable masterpiece.Paint the masterpiece of today with wide and brilliant strokes. Make every moment count. Treat this day as the priceless opportunity that it is,smoking cessation, so that when tomorrow comes, you can look back with satisfaction as you continue to look forward with eager anticipation.You've spent your life preparing for today. Now has come your chance to live it. You're better than you've ever been. Though the challenges you face are formidable, so too are the opportunities to make a real and lasting positive difference.You can truly see and understand that life is beautiful even in the difficult moments. Today is indeed your next masterpiece, taking shape even now. Make it better than you can imagine.

Coming clean

My head is just swirling at the moment. Full of what I want to say but in what order and how to say it all? Firstly, I just want to say that I am so appreciative of all the help and support I have gotten from you guys on here. I am living in a really isolated place, far away from my family and friends so the people on this board really helped me out during my quit. I do have something threatening my quit and it's something that nobody knows about me. I have been bulimic since I was a teenager and I still am. It's always there (apart from my pregnancy- I stoppped for that) and sometimes it's a major problem and other times,Herbal cigarettes, it just gives me a little buzz when I need it. When it is bad,smoking cessation, it can seriously take over my life. That's where I am right now. When I quit smoking, I turned to food. I felt the pounds go on and my other little demon appeared. I want to stop and I really need to stop. So, I am really letting this all out so that I know that there are people somewhere in the world who know what I am doing. I want to come on here and pledge every day that I will not smoke but also, without writing it, pledge that I will not make myself sick today. I have seriously considered smoking again just to take my mind off food. Stupid, I know.The success of my quit is mostly down to this board. I don't think I'd have done it alone. I really need to come clean about my problems and I hope you don't mind that I have done it here. I have looked an appropriate place on the internet where I can say this kind of thing but all the sites I have found seem to be encouraging my kind of behaviour rather than helping me to stop. I started smoking at 16- the same age I became bulimic. I suppose cigarettes always had a role to play in my eating habits and I always had one after a purge. I've let one go and now I need to say goodbye to the other.I am glad I got this off my chest. I am starting tomorrow with a clear mind. My pledge will be a double one. Thanks for listening. Sorry if I've put a big dampner on things.....I just really needed to say this.

3 months for ME!!! -hot-diggity-dog-

Gee - where to start?!?! When I started this journey, 3 months ago, the thought of going 3 hours without a cigarette was an impossible feat. But,smoking cessation, I wanted it badly & oddly enough it's STUCK! *yay* Part of me wants to say it's been sooooo easy. But the part of me that hits an occassionally strong craving wants to say "not so much". I guess in reality quitting is EASY!!! Staying quit takes some effort. Sometimes that effort is a simple "eh, stupid crave" and other times it's a full blown "how I am I gonna get through this", gotta "fight to hang on to this quit". But then again, once the craving is past - it becomes "easy" again. Hmmmm.......so I guess it's safe to say it makes me wishy-washy. *teehee*Along the way - I've managed to be tested and come out victorious! I've gotten through some really strong triggers. Fights with hubby! Remodeling our kitchen an putting down 240 square feet of ceramic tile, only to have them start to pop a week later. Meaning they all had to come up! AND all the mortar used to lay them had to be scraped and then START OVER!!! OH boy was that a classic trigger moment! *lol* I've had some pretty ugly and hurtful run-ins with family members. My best friend (of 43 years) was diagnosed with breast cancer. Was I tempted to smoke? NEVER! Did the thought cross my mind? OH YEAH!I've had stressful moments that said smoking was the ONLY solution, thrilling moments that remembered celebrating by smoking and exhausted times that wanted to curl up and relax with a smoke. I didn't do any of that! Instead I spent those moments enjoying the fact that I am no longer TIED to that hideous addiction. I am free! And the price of freedom is a continuous effort to stay that way! Not a constant struggle but more so just a reminder that we can't ever walk the road of "just one",quit smoking now, ever again! "Just one" is a fantasy! There is no such thing as "just one"! It WILL always equal a pack, which eventually equals a carton, which equals another failed quit - due to "just one". Even the worst triggers - nice weather and stress are getting to be a piece of cake to get through! The first few times outside, in the sun, on a beautiful day just didn't seem "right" without smoking. Well, I just realized about a week ago that I've been playing baseball with my grandson and going swimming and not once thought of smoking! *wow* The association times are finally becoming less and less! I have to say that my real reason for quitting was "FEAR"! I was terrified of what I was doing to my body. I'd hoped quitting would help with my anxiety disorder, migraines, menopause, so on...............................When I quit, I was having no issues from smoking (after doing so for 30+ YEARS) that I know of. But I figured/hoped that once I removed all the poison - it would HAVE to relieve some of these other issues, at least a little. Well, I've had 2 HORRENDOUS migraines (I usually only get about 4 a year), had 1 panic attack (haven't had one in about 4 years) and the menopause is sorta stable. The reason I chose to share this is because when these things happened - the junkie thinking said "gee, you weren't having any problems and quitting didn't solve any problem like you'd hoped, might as well start again". Funny how that junkie thinking is so easily convincing but the common sense thinking takes more effort! But common sense thinking is exactly what I'm banking on. It makes no logical sense whatsoever to smoke ever again!! It especially made no sense to ever start. I'd like to know what moron decided it was a good idea to take dried leaves, roll them in paper, light it and stick it in your MOUTH and inhale? *duh* I guess I've rambled long enough! I can only hope my quitting experiences may help another in some way. My DH, DD & SIL are all still quit too! *woohoo* Just blows my mind that they've all held tough too. I'm so thankful! Plus it really helps me keep my quit - because I think it'd be a safe bet that if I were to ever relapse, there would be a couple to follow me! Welp, ain't happenin' because of ME! No way! No how! NOPE!!!!Thanks to everyone here for always listening, always being supportive and most of all - UNDERSTANDING the craziness of this addiction! KTQ!Terri

Annabelle, Bill in AZ and Joyce and J-Q

Thank you for taking the time to post in my flooding thread. Sometimes it just helps to know people care. The river is still rising,quit smoking, we have all our rental boats attached by the front anchor ropes tied to trees so they don't float away! I am closed again today. Some schools in the area have closed due to the flooding. Our gas shack by the river is flooded now...hope it doesn't float away. Thank God for my bilge pump for all the boats,stop smoking now, that's what I'm working on now. Gotta get back outside. Thanks for caring.